Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Dress for Success.....

(The great Johnny Rodgers)

A wise man once told me that you have to dress for success. That man was Johnny Rodgers, winner of the 1972 Heisman Trophy while playing for the National Champion Nebraska Cornhuskers. What Dr. Rodgers said during his speech at Lincoln's downtown Howard Johnson that day made a big impression on me. You've got to dress for success. I want Belvidere to be successful so starting immediately I am instituting a new and mandatory dress code. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. And in pouring over the town's charter and legal codes going back almost 200 years I have found some very pertinent laws to help guide the citizens of this city:

1. Fat babies are not only appreciated, they are encourage. What does this have to do with fashion? A fat baby is a wonderful accessory for any family because they are healthy and serve as a potential source of sustenance during our harsh Nebraska winters. The specific dress code that this picture,my grand niece Robertha by the way, illustrates is the proper use of suspenders. Code 14S2b clearly states that all citizens over the age of 6 months shall be placed in suspended britches while in public. This baby would not have been drawn and quartered unless she had been unfortunate enough to have been born prior to 1992 when suspenders were still considered treasonous.

2. This gentleman is abiding by the "suspenders in public" code beautifully. He is however brazenly ignoring dress code 27D1a which declares that the adornment of one's head with an American flag is encouraged however it should not be accompanied by assorted pins of any kind unless they too are of the American flag or, if approved by the town council at the beginning of each year, a 1972 Cornhuskers pin. This man would be shot on sight if he had lived in the mid 1970's. Of note, his female companion is the former Lynn Cauley of Carleton, Nebraska. She has moved here after marrying Clift Broughton, Belvidere's resident expert on sheep husbandry. No irregulars for over 10 years! Keep up the great work Clift.

That's enough for now. More dress code updates to come later. Have a blessed day Belviderians!

Spooner Jenkins


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home