Saturday, April 29, 2006

The Boll Weevils are Here.....

(The Boll Weevil, herald of the Spring.)

The fine citizens of Belvidere welcome the coming of Spring with it's warmer weather, blooming flowers, and decrease in turkey-human altercations. But also with Spring comes the tornados, which seem to act more and more deliberately each year, and the lottery of young virgins set up to choose a sacrifice to the Demon of the Plains Tealeoni. But the good folks of Belvidere know how to find the silver lining of any cloud, even one that feasts on the pain and suffering of children. Springtime is also Boll Weevil time.

Many people don't know this but Boll Weevils are a perfect example of God's deliberate plan for this world and blatant evidence of design in nature. To imagine that a creature as complex as the Boll Weevil could have just happened by random chance boggles this Mayor's mind. As Chester Langerstrom, our resident Weevilologist, points out, Boll Weevils have 6 legs. If just one of those legs hadn't "evolved" it would fall over. Explain that evolutionists. And if evolution did bring about the Boll Weevil, how could it possibly have done it in only 6,000 years. I think it's pretty obvious to any rational bible literalist that the only explanation that makes sense is that a powerful being created the Boll Weevil in its present form and set it loose upon mankind as a punishment for homosexuality.

Bible scientists have conclusively proven that evolution doesn't exist because it is not mentioned in the only textbooks that matter, the Bible and the Baptist Bible Companion Study Guide. Now I can't speak for the Catholic Bible which as far as I know is wrong on several accounts. I can't imagine a more powerful sign of God's eternal love for man than when I sit on my porch gazing out upon the acres of cropland being consumed by these ravenous insects. It brings a tear to my eye and inspiration to spread the Word to my heart.

Spooner Jenkins


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