Saturday, April 29, 2006

A Link From Down Under

(The bloodthirsty Australian Wallabee, much like the Turkeys of southern Nebraska, often lure unsuspecting humans to a false sense of security before feasting on their tasty flesh.)

While surfing the net, I came across a website which had a link to my Belvidere blog. The name of the site is The Second Sight and is run by someone named EoR. I searched for hours and could find nothing about our fair city on the site other than the link and I'm just not sure how to handle this situation. Neither was anyone at the emergency town meeting held last night to discuss this. Not even Pearl Whitmire, the town historian and 3rd oldest citizen at 92 years young, knew what to do. Is this EoR friend or foe?

It says on his blog that he is from Australia. Now you and I both know that this is a despicable place that is overflowing with lawlessness as it is populated by prisoners and psychopaths. So perhaps we in Belvidere should be wary of this EoR. But did you know that it is also home to some of the world's deadliest and most ferocious predators such as the Wallabee and the Didgeridoo. There is also a creature there known as the Dingo that eats human infants for both sustenance and revenge as the Australians encroach on its natural habitiat, the Australian apple orchards of Western North Lochlaunshire. Here are a few more fascinating tidbits about Australia which I learned from the intranet and are beginning to help me get into EoR's head and formulate a plan:

1. Australia is an island, surrounded on all sides by the Australian ocean. This is a likely cause of their rampant mental health issues.

2. Australia was once a great underwater civilization know as Atlanica which due to the plate tectonics(another "scientific" theory not mentioned in the Bible) rose up to it's present day location around the time that the first every UFO was discovered in Roswell, New Mexico. Coincidence? Are they Australians or Australiens?

3. The people of Australia have a diet which consists primarily of a substance known as Vegemite which was invented by a scientist named Fred Walker in 1922. To this day noone has been able to figure out what Vegemite is, and Dr. Walker's papers were lost in the great Fire of Sydney in 1923. Some say it is a good source of Vitamin B while others say that it tastes very bad. Australians use over 3 trillion tons of the product yearly not only as food but to power many of their primitive conveyances.

4. In the 1980's,the Australias Prime Minister, Crocodile Dundee, came to America bringing the delightful children's game of Knifey-Spoony with him and winning the heart of the lovely Linda Kozlowsky amongst a subway full of onlookers and CIA Moles.

5. For some as of yet discovered reason, Australians prefer to cook their shrimp on top of dolls made by the Mattel corporation.

6. Australians are able to entire deep states of suspended animation where they slow their hearts beats considerably and lay motionless for hours. This is called Aboriginal trance and has become very popular in European clubs and dance halls.

That is only a taste of the wealth of information on Australia that I have found. I think it may take months to truly understand Australia and the potential subconscious motivations of EoR. For now I will place a link to his website and continue my research.

(An example of typical Austrlian architecture.)

Spooner Jenkins


Blogger EoR said...

Just received notice via the possum-o-gram about your writeup. It's bonzer and beaut! Or, as the old Strayan saying goes, "A Kelly in the bush is worth two sheilas in the hand".

1:19 AM  

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