The Mumps Are Coming: Are You Protected?.....

(Belvidere's town Doc, Frank Grimes.)

You may have noticed that I have not been posting very often over the past month or so. I am truly sorry for neglecting my sworn promise to bring awareness of the town of Belvidere to the world but a lot has been going on here. You have probably heard about the Mumps epidemic that is sweeping the heartland of America. Nebraska especially is under attack by this deadly and mysterious scourge. Belvidere has been spared so far but with reports of cases popping up in nearby towns it is only a matter of time. Luckily Belvidere's town primary care practitioner, Chiropractor Frank Grimes, has put together a sure fire way to protect yourself and he's asked that I help get the message out.

"Mumps: The Invisible Predator
How to protect yourself with the power of Chiropractic Medicine

Howdy fellow [Name of town]Belvidere citizens. You all know me as Dr. [Name of Chiropractor]Frank Grimes but you may not know that I am a chiropractor. What is chiropractic you ask? Well it's only the world's oldest and most successful system of healthcare that's all. Chiropractic adjustments of the spine have been used for thousands of years. There are even ancient cave drawings depicting cavemen chiropractors adjusting the backs of other cavemen and their pet dinosaurs. Socrates even wrote, "The only true way to cure any illness is with chiropractic adjustments." And he is known as the Father of Medicine!

So what do chiropractors do? They don't do anything. Sounds funny but it's true. Chiropractors just allow your body to naturally heal itself of any illness the way it was made to by God. God put a healing force in everyone that works through a system of small tubes in our bodies known as nerves. Nerves travel from your brain, through your spinal cord, and into every single cell in your body. Nerves tell our hearts to beat, our kidneys to concentrate urine, our back to not hurt, and even single cells what to do. That's why you die if your head is cut off or why hearts only work after being transplanted when the nerves are hooked back up to it.

So how does chiropractic play a part in the scientifically proven existence of nerves and thus the existence of the healing force from God? Well just imagine water flowing through a hose. If it gets pinched off then the water can't make its way through to water your garden or wash your car. That hose is just like your spinal cord. And the pinching happens when the bones that surround it, the vertebrae, are in a bad position thus blocking the healing force. Vertebrae can move into a bad position due to trauma, wearing backpacks on one shoulder, not taking supplements, or by having a bad mental attitude. This is called a subluxation. Chiropractors move the vertebrae back into the right position with an adjustment.

You may run into some chiropractors who give a different definition for what a subluxation is. And some medical doctors may even try to act like subluxations don't exist. Chiropractic science has proven their existence with thousands of years of empirical evidence so it is safe to ignore anyone who disagrees. And it has been proven in court that medical doctors lie because chiropractor are their biggest competitor. They want to keep you sick with immunizations and flouridated water so that you have to keep coming back to them over and over again for more drugs.

How do you find subluxations? Well it takes a very thorough history taking and a good physical exam. Many times chiropractors can find subluxations by feeling out of place vertebrae but there a number of great diagnostic devices to aid them. Subluxations can be rooted out by checking the temperature on either side of the spine, measuring the electrical current from the spine out through the skin, with special scales, and with xrays. With the grueling 4 years of training that chiropractors receive, not only can they interpret xrays to find subluxations but they can also diagnose and manage every disease process known to man. The government has proven that chiropractic education is as good as medical education and better in many respects. They only treat the disease while we treat the person by treating only the spine.

So what does the Mumps have to do with this? That's a great question and one that is not easy to answer because Chiropractic scientists have yet to figure out what causes the Mumps. But they have narrowed it down to a subluxation somewhere in the thoracic or lumbar regions. What we know for certain however is that if you have no subluxations then you can't get the Mumps or any other disease for that matter. This is why frequent chiropractic adjustments starting within minutes of birth are the key to living a long and healthy life. Why treat the symptoms with drugs and surgery when you can treat the cause: the subluxation.

Sincerely,
Dr. [Insert Name of Chiropractor]Frank Grimes"

What a great article by Dr. Grimes. I had no idea that spinal health was so important. I'll be sure to make an appointment with Dr. Grimes today. So should you.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins