Thursday, July 06, 2006

Belvidere Discovered!.....










What a week for Belvidere. Not only have people been coming in droves to read about this wonderful town but I have just received word that television's The Discovery Channel is coming to film a documentary on the mysterious Horizontal Cow Phenomenon. The whole town is buzzing with excitement and everyone is working hard to get the town ready for those fancy Hollywood folks. This could be the big break that we've been waiting for ever since Nissan chose to move their headquarters somewhere else. I bet even Tia Leone will want to come here but she's not welcome. At least not while I'm in charge.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Mayor,

Glory be! This is my lucky day. It started of so bad, but now that I've found that you have expertise on horizontal cows, all will be well.

It happened like this: I was reading some Navy stuff on the internet, and this guy posted a question asking about torpedo engines. You know, those things that submarines shoot at ships, they have to an engine.

So some people that know such things gave him an answer. But he wanted to know more.

Just stick with me Mr Mayor, I'll get to Belvidere real soon now.

Seems that what he wanted to do was come up with a small engine that would turn a generator and make electricity. So he figured that torpedoes had small engines so he asked.

And then he went on to say that he wanted his small engine to burn biomass. And just to prove that he knew what he wuz talking about, he listed some types of biomass.

Just hold on, I'll get to Belvidere.

One of the types of biomass he listed was cattle manure, dairy or beef.

And I said "Cattle manure? Dairy or Beef????" Now I'm kinda young, won't be 60 til November, but lotsa relatives are still on the farm, and in all those reunions, and talk of wheat prices and what not, I seem to have missed the distinction between Dairy Manure and Beef Manure.

But if ya use a little logic, it makes sense. Diary cows eat grass, filter out the milk and flop the rest. Beef cattle eat the same grass, filter out the meat and flop the rest.

So Dairy Manure still has the meat in it, and Beef Manure still has the milk in it.

So of course the torpedo engine is going to have to be different, depending on what kind of manure you're burning.

So I figured, what would an Admiral know about cattle? Course, ships engines are rated in horsepower. Does that make sense?
How far is a horse gonna pull a ship?

Where was I?

Oh yeah, cattle manure. So it sure seems like there oughta be a bizness oppatunity there. Ya take yer Dairy Manure, and make a meat filter, and there ya are.

Same idea for Beef manure, except ya put the filter in backwards.

Sure hope ya can use my idear.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Clark Bartram said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Spooner Jenkins said...

You keep out of this Mr. Bartram. You are on my list right now and that's not a good place to be.

Anonymous,

Who is this? Who do you work for?

I've been working on developing a special manure filter for years and nobody knew about it except for Shank Wilburn the town mechanic and owner/operator of the Belvidere Manure Museum and Deli.

He had the idea of making meat from dairy manure and milk from beef manure and approached me to help as I am the only town resident with a working computer. He needed to look up something up. Perhaps he is the one who you were mentioning or perhaps you are an industrial spy sent here to steal my plans. I'll have to put them somewhere safe where nobody will find them. Maybe the root cellar. No, too obvious. I'll think of somewhere you'll see.

9:15 PM  

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