Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Horizontal Cows of Belvidere.....

(One of many horizontal cows seen in Belvidere over the past few weeks.)

You may have noticed that I have been posting pretty infrequently over the past several weeks. I have actually been quite busy conducting a number of scientifically designed studies as part of an investigation into Belvidere's horizontal cow phenomenon. For as long as I can remember, there have been isolated reports of horizontal cows, especially from the outskirts of town near the anti-turkey perimeter fence. But as of late these incidents have increased steadily in number and the town council is at a loss for an explanation. Even my efforts have been unable to determine the cause.

Many townsfolk feel that the aliens, usually content with the occasional abduction, are involved. Some feel that this is a sign of the end times predicted in Revelations from the Bible. Still a few are sure that a more natural cause is to blame. What could be more natural than God's work here on earth I don't know. It seems like everyone in town has come up with their own reason for this cow related mystery:

1. Quantum forces effected the spin of the cow's electrons.
2. Very small tornados.
3. A temporary decrease in the gravitational field surrounding the cow.
4. A malfunction of the Matrix.
5. A town wide conspiracy involving the turkeys and irregular sheep.

And now the Belvidere Skeptics' Society has published this data which indicates that an even more sinister problem may be behind this.

Spooner Jenkins


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