Saturday, July 15, 2006

More Horizontal Cow Related News.....

(Durnk and Steen Philpot, seen here with their slightly used John Deere tractor bought at Tug's John Deere Outlet.)

You may remember my recent post on the Horizontal Cow phenomenon that has been plaguing our incredible and exciting town. Well the increased attention brought about by my announcement that the Discovery Channel had plans to film a documentary on the subject was soon followed by the confession of two local farmers from nearby Shickley, Nebraska. Durnk and Steen Philpot, father and son corn farmers claim to be solely responsible for the horizontal cows. They say that they have, for the past few months, been sneaking into local fields and forcing the cows into a horizontal position. They say the whole thing is a hoax and that there are no supernatural forces or conspiracies behind it. But I'm not so sure.

Even if what the Philpot boys say is true, what explains the historical mentionings of horizontal cows going back to the early 1800's. What about the depictions of horizontal cows found on cave walls dated back thousands of years. How could two men, even men as sturdy as the Philpots, have caused all of the hundreds of horizontal cow sightings, often many in one night. What about similar sightings in other cities around the world. I think this is just a cheap way to draw attention off of Belvidere and onto Shickley's upcoming Wheat Fest, which pales in comparison to our Music and Music Related Fun Festival. Did I mention that the Lumpkin twins and Lil Jim Barton have signed up to play again this year!

We have an old saying here in Belvidere about watching out for people who are trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I've often thought of it when I'm unsure whether I can trust someone or something. I can't think of it right now but take my word for it. The Philpot boys are turkeys in regular sheep's clothing. Wait, that was it.


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