More Horizontal Cow Related News.....

(Durnk and Steen Philpot, seen here with their slightly used John Deere tractor bought at Tug's John Deere Outlet.)

You may remember my recent post on the Horizontal Cow phenomenon that has been plaguing our incredible and exciting town. Well the increased attention brought about by my announcement that the Discovery Channel had plans to film a documentary on the subject was soon followed by the confession of two local farmers from nearby Shickley, Nebraska. Durnk and Steen Philpot, father and son corn farmers claim to be solely responsible for the horizontal cows. They say that they have, for the past few months, been sneaking into local fields and forcing the cows into a horizontal position. They say the whole thing is a hoax and that there are no supernatural forces or conspiracies behind it. But I'm not so sure.

Even if what the Philpot boys say is true, what explains the historical mentionings of horizontal cows going back to the early 1800's. What about the depictions of horizontal cows found on cave walls dated back thousands of years. How could two men, even men as sturdy as the Philpots, have caused all of the hundreds of horizontal cow sightings, often many in one night. What about similar sightings in other cities around the world. I think this is just a cheap way to draw attention off of Belvidere and onto Shickley's upcoming Wheat Fest, which pales in comparison to our Music and Music Related Fun Festival. Did I mention that the Lumpkin twins and Lil Jim Barton have signed up to play again this year!

We have an old saying here in Belvidere about watching out for people who are trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I've often thought of it when I'm unsure whether I can trust someone or something. I can't think of it right now but take my word for it. The Philpot boys are turkeys in regular sheep's clothing. Wait, that was it.

The Lumpkins Are Coming....

(The talented and beautiful Lumpkin twins.)

Fresh on the heels of the announcement that the Discovery Channel is coming to Belvidere to shoot a documentary on our Horizontal Cow Phenomenon, I've only just received word that the Lumpkin twins are coming back to put on another fantastic performance. These two fine young women grew up here in Belvidere but left to make it in showbusiness. You may remember their powerful rendition of "Possum Fever Done Killed My Pappy" which left narry a dry eye in the house at last Summer's Belvidere Music and Music Related Fun Festival of Fun when they opened for Lil Jim Barton and the Belvidere Playboys. Well this time they have the whole night to themselves and have promised to play all of their biggest hits. In fact, here is the playlist I just received:

1. "Possum Fever Done Killed My Pappy"
2. "Ain't Nothing Cuter Than a Fat Country Baby Eatin' Peaches of a Hard Wood Floor"
3. "The Whittler's Seranade"
4. "Was it the Moonshine or Your Love That Made Me Blind"
5. "Good Intentions Won't Pull Out This Tick"
6. "There's Pellet in this Duck But the Hole's in My Heart"
7. "Imagine"

And that's just the beginning but you'll have to wait to find out what other songs they'll break out for the big show. Hopefully some of their new stuff.

And now for some bad news. I've got a bone to pick with one Mr. Shank Wilburn, owner and operator of the Belvidere Manuer Museum and Deli. We entered into a business agreement over meatloaf at Grandma's, not something to be taken lightly but probably should be taken with some alka seltzer. And now I've come to find out from an anonymous source that he's been galavanting around the intranet behind my back trying to boot me out of the company we'd been working on putting together. I'd go int more detail but I'm so mad right now I might say something I'd regret.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins