A Link From Down Under

(The bloodthirsty Australian Wallabee, much like the Turkeys of southern Nebraska, often lure unsuspecting humans to a false sense of security before feasting on their tasty flesh.)

While surfing the net, I came across a website which had a link to my Belvidere blog. The name of the site is The Second Sight and is run by someone named EoR. I searched for hours and could find nothing about our fair city on the site other than the link and I'm just not sure how to handle this situation. Neither was anyone at the emergency town meeting held last night to discuss this. Not even Pearl Whitmire, the town historian and 3rd oldest citizen at 92 years young, knew what to do. Is this EoR friend or foe?

It says on his blog that he is from Australia. Now you and I both know that this is a despicable place that is overflowing with lawlessness as it is populated by prisoners and psychopaths. So perhaps we in Belvidere should be wary of this EoR. But did you know that it is also home to some of the world's deadliest and most ferocious predators such as the Wallabee and the Didgeridoo. There is also a creature there known as the Dingo that eats human infants for both sustenance and revenge as the Australians encroach on its natural habitiat, the Australian apple orchards of Western North Lochlaunshire. Here are a few more fascinating tidbits about Australia which I learned from the intranet and are beginning to help me get into EoR's head and formulate a plan:

1. Australia is an island, surrounded on all sides by the Australian ocean. This is a likely cause of their rampant mental health issues.

2. Australia was once a great underwater civilization know as Atlanica which due to the plate tectonics(another "scientific" theory not mentioned in the Bible) rose up to it's present day location around the time that the first every UFO was discovered in Roswell, New Mexico. Coincidence? Are they Australians or Australiens?

3. The people of Australia have a diet which consists primarily of a substance known as Vegemite which was invented by a scientist named Fred Walker in 1922. To this day noone has been able to figure out what Vegemite is, and Dr. Walker's papers were lost in the great Fire of Sydney in 1923. Some say it is a good source of Vitamin B while others say that it tastes very bad. Australians use over 3 trillion tons of the product yearly not only as food but to power many of their primitive conveyances.















4. In the 1980's,the Australias Prime Minister, Crocodile Dundee, came to America bringing the delightful children's game of Knifey-Spoony with him and winning the heart of the lovely Linda Kozlowsky amongst a subway full of onlookers and CIA Moles.

5. For some as of yet discovered reason, Australians prefer to cook their shrimp on top of dolls made by the Mattel corporation.

6. Australians are able to entire deep states of suspended animation where they slow their hearts beats considerably and lay motionless for hours. This is called Aboriginal trance and has become very popular in European clubs and dance halls.

That is only a taste of the wealth of information on Australia that I have found. I think it may take months to truly understand Australia and the potential subconscious motivations of EoR. For now I will place a link to his website and continue my research.













(An example of typical Austrlian architecture.)

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins

The Boll Weevils are Here.....

(The Boll Weevil, herald of the Spring.)

The fine citizens of Belvidere welcome the coming of Spring with it's warmer weather, blooming flowers, and decrease in turkey-human altercations. But also with Spring comes the tornados, which seem to act more and more deliberately each year, and the lottery of young virgins set up to choose a sacrifice to the Demon of the Plains Tealeoni. But the good folks of Belvidere know how to find the silver lining of any cloud, even one that feasts on the pain and suffering of children. Springtime is also Boll Weevil time.

Many people don't know this but Boll Weevils are a perfect example of God's deliberate plan for this world and blatant evidence of design in nature. To imagine that a creature as complex as the Boll Weevil could have just happened by random chance boggles this Mayor's mind. As Chester Langerstrom, our resident Weevilologist, points out, Boll Weevils have 6 legs. If just one of those legs hadn't "evolved" it would fall over. Explain that evolutionists. And if evolution did bring about the Boll Weevil, how could it possibly have done it in only 6,000 years. I think it's pretty obvious to any rational bible literalist that the only explanation that makes sense is that a powerful being created the Boll Weevil in its present form and set it loose upon mankind as a punishment for homosexuality.

Bible scientists have conclusively proven that evolution doesn't exist because it is not mentioned in the only textbooks that matter, the Bible and the Baptist Bible Companion Study Guide. Now I can't speak for the Catholic Bible which as far as I know is wrong on several accounts. I can't imagine a more powerful sign of God's eternal love for man than when I sit on my porch gazing out upon the acres of cropland being consumed by these ravenous insects. It brings a tear to my eye and inspiration to spread the Word to my heart.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins

Belvidere Lovers' Carnival Update

(Tea Leoni hates Belvidere and will stop at nothing to destroy it. But why???)

You may have noticed that I did not post the second edition to the Belvidere Lovers' Carnival. This was because I have not received any admissions. I don't understand why people would keep their love of this amazing town to themselves. It can't be a coincidence that nobody in the entire intranet sent in a submission. Someone must be behind this. I don't know how and I don't know why but I have a hunch who.

Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins