Everything Must Go!.....

(Shady Acres Correctional Facility for Wayward Teens)

I have some sad new to tell you today. We will soon be saying goodbye to a Belvidere institution. In just a few weeks, the Shady Acres Correctional Facility for Wayward Teens, a fixture in Belvidere for over 50 years will be closing it's doors due to a lack of funds. On an unrelated note, I now have 50 barely used electric chairs to unload. If anyone is interested please stop by the Mayor's Office. The "Wrecking Ball" Ball will be held on March 1st to celebrate Shady Acres' 52 years of service to the community.





















(Slap Abbott, 12 year old wayward teen set to be executed on February 28th, is the last remaining occupant of Shady Acres.)



Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins

A Clarification.....

After my last post on dressing for success, I received a number of complaints. Most of these were due to some confusion over one particular comment:

"Fat babies are not only appreciated, they are encouraged. What does this have to do with fashion? A fat baby is a wonderful accessory for any family because they are healthy and serve as a potential source of sustenance during our harsh Nebraska winters."

Now I can understand how some people misunderstood the point I was trying to make. I wasn't saying that you should literally wear an overweight young child like some kind of scarf or hatpin. That would be ridiculous and quite difficult. What I meant was that a fat baby is a wonderful blessing just like a strong Christian community or a 5-legged cow. Also when a hard freeze limits the town's ability to obtain food you can eat your baby.

In a gesture of good will, and apology, I have sent to all the families in Belvidere with young children a hand-crafted antique child's sitting chair. I think it will make a fine addition to any house as it is as handsome as it is sturdy.




















(A brand new children's chair courtesy of the Mayor's Office!)




Sincerely,
Spooner Jenkins